Aubrey Titus’ Infertility Journey

My period pain became increasingly more painful as I got older, so bad to the point where I had to miss work because the cramping was so debilitating. By this point I had been seeing my dr. yearly for physicals, and at one of these appointments, he told me I might have PCOS and as a result, I may not be able to get pregnant when the time comes. At this point I am 21 and hearing I may be infertile didn’t really hit me. I remember thinking “well no, I’m definitely not overweight, I don’t have facial hair, my cycles are regular albeit extremely uncomfortable, but no I don’t have PCOS and as for being infertile, well okay I guess.”

Cut to 2 years later and I meet my husband, we started trying to get pregnant about 6 months later, and November of 2016 I got pregnant. I was nauseated and sick every day, I gagged at all smells, and was craving Taco Bell everyday, and was so beyond tired. This lasted about 2 weeks, and one day I started bleeding heavily and big clots were coming. I realized that I had miscarried and was devastated. We stopped “trying” for a little less than a year, we decided to wait until we were married to try again.

After being married for 4 months we decided to start trying again, and at this point I told him I wanted to see a dr. and check on things. I found a dr. and told her we’d been trying a little over a year, she was like okay let’s do some tests and start you on Clomid. I then told her I think I have PCOS but I’m not sure and told her of my symptoms. She stopped me and said “you don’t have pelvic pain everyday, you don’t have PCOS.” I was so confused and just went along with it, thinking okay then what the hell is wrong with me?!

I was on two rounds of Clomid and the second round was awful. One summer day I’m at lagoon with my sister and her kids and I started feeling really uncomfortable, almost gassy but I could not pass gas. We left and I was still hurting and the pain increased, and my right side lower abdomen was bulging. She rushed me to the ER and at this point I had already been consulting with dr. Google to see what it could be, first thing came up was OHSS ovarian hyper-stimulation syndrome. After some ultrasounds and ctscans it was confirmed that Clomid gave me OHSS. I remember the dr. telling me, “your ovaries are supposed to be the size of almonds. Yours are currently the size of an avocado.” The nurse there was super kind and told me that she had tried different fertility pills too and ended up in the same boat as me, but she prayed and said “Okay God, I’ll stop taking these pills if you give me a baby,.” And then she had 7 kids. She was like, “so you know, be careful what you wish for.”

Less than 2 months after that ER visit I was back in the ER with an appendicitis. Blessing in disguise because that’s when I learned that I had endometriosis. The dr. explained that they found purple polyps on my uterus during the appendectomy. It was nice to finally have answers as to why my periods had been so awful the past 5 years, but not the best news considering I was sure I had PCOS already and now on top of endometriosis. As of august 2020 I also had to stop eating dairy and gluten and cut out processed sugars as a result of having the inflammation of endometriosis. In March 2020 I found out I do have PCOS and my dr. explained that if you have more than like 3 or 5 I think, cysts on your ovaries, you have PCOS. Well I had a vaginal ultrasound that confirmed, I have 33 cysts on my right and 12 on my left. Finally some answers! 

Throughout all of this there have been countless tears, prayers, screaming, pleading, exhaustion, and “why me’s?!” I’m sure like other women out there as well, my sex-drive has greatly diminished. It’s hard to want to be intimate with your partner when having a baby is always in the back of your mind and you’re thinking “maybe this time” each time you’re together. So it becomes less enjoyable.

We are currently in the thick of trying to conceive. We have ruled out IVF as my ovaries don’t react well to being over stimulated. We are sure adoption will be in our future, and we are perfectly content with that. We will keep trying to conceive the natural way of course. I’m currently on Femara and experiencing a hot flash as I type this. It’s also hard when you’re the “problem” and your husband has perfect sperm, and you feel like a huge letdown to your future family. You’re taking all the extra supplements and tests to get more answers; it never seems fair.

I think a big thing to remember if you have infertility is realizing you are not alone in this. It’s unfortunate how common it is, but it is, and that can be comforting to realize someone else is experiencing this too. Also, when you see a dr., tell them everything going with your body, and ask all the questions. You deserve answers to your body and what’s happening.

My husband has obviously been my biggest rock throughout this journey, and my family has helped too. A huge help has been prayer though. I have had to pray for peace and comfort countless times, pray for acceptance and joy for others when they get pregnant, pray for understanding and pray for a baby of course!

I hope in me sharing my story, it gives someone some answers or hope. My infertility journey is definitely not over, but it has taught me that life really doesn’t go as we plan, and that infertility and all diseases associated with it need to be talked about more. I have hope and faith that this journey will end with our baby in our arms. 

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