Each one of us chose to come to this earth knowing we would face challenges and hardships in all its forms. For me, navigating the world of infertility was physically and emotionally overwhelming. I became consumed with all the “to do’s” and “not to do’s.” Six years of trying to grow our family became our full-time jobs. We wanted nothing more than to become parents. Procedure after procedure, surgery after surgery, countless medications and shots, all to result in negative pregnancy tests. We were devastated each time, yet determined to keep trying.
In July of 2017, my phone rang and I heard the most magical words I had longed to hear: “you are pregnant!” Our prayers had been answered. Immediately after we received the phone call from our nurse we offered a prayer of gratitude for the blessings and miracles we found out a week later, were twin boys! Our hearts were full! I loved every minute of pregnancy. The morning sickness, the changes in my body, the raging hormones and rollercoaster of emotions. I embraced every moment. After an evening of dinner and our first baby shopping outing, I came home and my water broke. We rushed to the hospital to learn that one of the twins sac had partially ruptured. Our doctor sent us home and gave us encouraging words that the sac could reseal and I could continue on with my pregnancy. One day after being on bed rest at home I was taken by ambulance to the hospital. I delivered our perfect twins Mason and Micah on November 13th and 14th at 19 weeks. Mason was born stillborn and Micah was born alive. We were able to hold him and watch him move his tiny fingers and toes before he passed. We experienced indescribable sadness, anger and pain. What we had hoped for for so long was no longer a reality.
Life seemed to stop after the passing of our boys. It was difficult to move forward and know how to proceed, yet we felt the gentle nudges to not give up on growing our family. We started the IVF process again and in October of 2018, we were pregnant with a little girl. While we were elated with the news that we were pregnant again, we were anxious every single day. We wanted so badly to get over that 19 week mark to lessen the nerves and feelings of uncertainty. We were being monitored more frequently and surpassed the 19 week mark. At 22 weeks we had a few bumps in the road, but were told everything looked perfect and our little girl was thriving. We felt nothing but gratitude each time we met with our doctors and they told us everything looked as normal as could be. We held on to their very words and pressed forward with anticipation and hope.
At one of our appointments our doctor decided to run some labs. She decided to run a CBC (Complete Blood Count). The results of the CBC came back abnormally low. I had extremely low red blood cells, white blood cells and platelets. At 25 weeks pregnant, I underwent a bone marrow biopsy and on April 4, 2019 I was diagnosed with a rare form of acute leukemia. I was immediately sent to a hospital that specializes in leukemia and started chemotherapy that evening. I was completely numb. All I could think about was my precious baby girl and how all of the chemotherapy and other drugs might effect her. We could not lose another baby. Specific plans were made if I happened to go into labor. I received blood and platelet transfusions to ensure I had the bare minimum my body would need to safely deliver our baby girl if she happened to come early. We knew we had to make it to 28 weeks to give our little girl a fighting chance. Week after week passed, and we were discharged from the hospital at 31 weeks. I underwent an emergency c-section and delivered a tiny, beautiful, and strong baby girl at 35 weeks on June 2, 2019.
One week after Hazel’s birth I started the rest of my fight to beat cancer. I endured 123 rounds of IV chemotherapy and over 2400 oral chemotherapy pills. I missed the first 8 months of my sweet new baby who lived with my sister while I continued my fight.
Hazel is now a healthy and bright 15 month old. She is everything we ever hoped for and more. She is our brightest rainbow after the darkest of storms. Hazel has taught us to never lose hope. She has taught us that through faith, hope and prayers, we will see miracles. I know that Heavenly Father is intricately involved in the details of our lives. He is aware of us and He loves us. He hears and answers our pleadings and He always keeps His promises. Knowing this gives me hope and brings me peace and comfort. Our loving Heavenly Father has given us His son, Jesus Christ to help us see beyond the dark and difficult times to find light and happiness. We must look to Him, rely on Him, and trust Him. He is our hope and through Him we will be blessed.
Facebook: Staci Hartline
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