My journey with infertility started when my husband was diagnosed with a form of testicular cancer. We had only been married a couple months when we got the news. One second we were on our honeymoon, and the next we were in a room full of doctors. We met with a lot of doctors after my husband was diagnosed, and one of them was a fertility doctor. Because we were newly married, having kids wasn’t even on our radar. All of sudden we were having big discussions about our future and if we would even be able to ever have kids of our own. Luckily my husband was able to bank sperm before he started his chemotherapy treatments, so when the time was right we could try and have kids of our own.
My husband had been in remission for almost a year when we decided to check his sperm so that we could try to get pregnant on our own. A week later, we found out his cancer had returned and he would have to do chemo again. We knew at that point that if we wanted to have kids, we would have to do in-vitro fertilization.
We had finally started to take the steps to get pregnant when his cancer returned, so it was hard to put a pause on getting pregnant. We needed to focus on my husband. His cancer was very rare, but they were able to find a chemo drug that kept his tumor from growing. He was able to live a semi-normal life, and things were okay for a while. We both really wanted to start a family and didn’t want cancer to hold us back anymore. We decided to go ahead and start our IVF journey to have kids.
I think the biggest struggle of this process was balancing IVF with everyday life. I was working full time as an elementary school teacher and doing all my treatments out of state. It was really stressful, and it was hard finding time to do my shots and get everything done. My first transfer failed, and I think the stress of working had a lot to do with that. I finally quit my job for the second transfer, and it helped a lot not having to worry about work. It was also hard balancing IVF and cancer life. My husband for sure had his days when he didn’t feel well or had treatment, so I did a lot of stuff on my own. My husband thankfully helped with all my shots and was there for my transfer, but it wasn’t an easy process.
As hard as it got, we never doubted our decision to start a family. We knew that was what we wanted more than anything. I didn’t realize how much I wanted kids of my own until I was told I might not be able to have them. When we first found out my husband had cancer, they told us there might be a chance the cancer had already affected his sperm and we would not be able to have kids. That was extremely hard to hear. At the time I wasn’t even thinking about kids, but when someone told me I might not be able to have them, I never wanted something so badly. I had dreamed my whole life of being a mother, and that dream was slipping away.
My first IVF transfer failed. That was another extremely hard time for me. I was really depressed and found it hard to even be happy for my friends when they announced they were pregnant. When you want something so badly, you feel incomplete. There was a huge hole placed in my life, and I was desperately wanting to fill it. When I think about growing a family, I wish I could say it felt happy and joyous, but with infertility it can be the opposite. Most of the time it was hard and depressing.
After my failed transfer, I was very nervous about my second one. I didn’t want to get my hopes up in anyway. I didn’t take a lot of pictures and didn’t really tell a lot of my friends and family I was doing it again. During the summer of 2017 we transferred one embryo. Two weeks later we got our test results back and we were pregnant! We were beyond thrilled it had worked and I couldn’t have been more excited! We went in for our first ultrasound a couple weeks later, and that’s when we got the shocking news that our one little embryo had split into TWO! I was obviously freaking out, but my husband was so sweet and always reassuring me that it would be okay. After we started to tell our family and friends, the idea of twins started to get easier and more exciting.
It was scary to be told I might not be able to have kids, but knowing there was a way through IVF always gave me hope. We are so lucky to live in a time where science is advanced enough to help people have kids of their own. There is no way we would have been able to have kids without in-vitro.
Through this process I learned that I can do hard things! I learned that hard things eventually come to an end and that gives me courage to face what might come in the future. Sadly, a couple months after my twins were born, my husband passed away. I think my journey through IVF really helped me prepare mentally for that. I believe each trial we go through makes us more stronger for the next to come!
I have a lot more empathy for others who struggle with IVF or other trials. I think I’m more aware of people and what they are going through. When you go through something hard, it really puts life into perspective and your eyes are opened to this whole new world. I see things differently now and I’m more mindful of others.
You are not alone in this! I was a part of an infertility group and it saved me on the hard days. It helped me when I was feeling anxious or worried. It helped to talk to someone who knew exactly what I was going through. Don’t go through this alone, there are so many people out there willing to help you along the way!
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