My husband and I got married in June of 2011 and could not wait for the day that we would be parents. All growing up, all I ever dreamt of being was a mom! We spent a few years just the two of us and then started trying for a baby in 2013.
A year went by, and month after month I was “sure” that I was pregnant, and then the dreaded one line always showed up and a few days later aunt flow made her visit. We worked with my OB and they had me start Clomid as a precaution, but then we ruled out any problems on my end and they suggested to get my husband tested. I will never forget the phone call that told us that all factors in his analysis were very low. Having to tell my husband the news was the absolute worst part. My heart completely broke for him. I wanted so badly to take it away and have it be on me. He always said that he tries to give me everything I want in life, but he could not give me the number one thing I always dreamt of and it killed him.
We quickly met with a Urologist, and there they discovered that he had Varicoceles and that they needed to be removed. He mentioned that sometimes insurance will pay for this procedure, but some don’t. Well, we were the unlucky ones in that our insurance did not pay for it. After the surgery, he told us that he was very certain that this would solve our problems and that we would be able to have a child of our own very soon. We met with him 3 months later and had a follow up analysis. We were very hopeful that this solved our problem. Unfortunately, it did not increase numbers and we were scheduled for another analysis 3 months later. We did this for 18 months and still nothing changed.
This whole thing just did not seem fair. We went through a time where pregnancy announcements killed us. We wanted so badly to be parents. We pleaded and pleaded with our Heavenly Father for answers and for us to finally be parents. We did not understand why our prayers were not being answered until one day, my wonderful OB and his nurse called us out of the blue to tell us that Utah Fertility Clinic was doing an IVF trial and that we needed to hurry down and meet with the doctor to see if we qualified. We were ecstatic to maybe see a light at the end of the tunnel! We found out that we would not qualify for it, but this got the ball rolling for us. Prayers are sometimes answered through other people and we NEEDED this push.
We met with Dr. Foulk and came up with a plan. Everything went picture perfect throughout the process. My body was responding well and we had a great turn out with the egg retrieval. We ended up with 5 good quality embryos and were so excited! We transferred our best quality embryo and everything looked just right.
The dreaded two week wait came and we were both so excited. Everything was perfect and we could not see a reason for this not working! When the nurse called to tell us the news that it did not work, we were shattered. EVERYBODY knew we were doing IVF, so we had to break the news to family, friends, and co-workers. We relived the pain over and over again.
We decided to take a few months to ourselves and rebuild and then met with Dr. Foulk to come up with another plan. We talked about transferring two embryos and using a “glue” that would help them implant. We went forward with this plan, but this time just kept it to the two of us. We didn’t want to share the news over and over again if it didn’t work and we wanted a somewhat normal surprise if it did work.
Almost two weeks went by, I decided to take a pregnancy test at home. I thought I needed to prepare myself for a negative and not tell my husband. To my surprise, two wonderful pink lines instantly showed up on the test and I immediately bursted into tears! This was the first time I had seen two pink lines EVER. I hurried and grabbed a note to my husband that I had addressed from my babies that I wrote years ago. I was finally able to announce to my husband the way that I had always dreamt of. I ran downstairs and handed it to him and he immediately burst into tears the second he read “Dear Daddy.” We could not believe that we were going to be parents after a long 4 years of trying.
At this point we didn’t know if both of them stuck or just one. A week after we found out I started bleeding. Panic set in and I thought we lost the pregnancy. We got the the clinic and we saw two sacs! One was smaller and we couldn’t hear the heartbeat, but could see it flickering. The other one was looking great and we were able to hear the amazing heartbeat! This was the moment we had always dreamt of. Seeing our sweet little babies on the ultrasound! A week went by and then I started bleeding again. This time it was suggested I go on bed rest to try and get the bleeding to stop. Thankfully it did, and Baby A caught right up to where Baby B was and the bleeding was gone!
Everything went well throughout the pregnancy. We found out we were having two girls!! Girls are so rare in my family, so we were so excited! These little girls were already so loved. All my husband and I could do was talk about our future with them and we would try and imagine what they would look like. We joked that one would look like me and the other like my husband. And they were exactly that!
At 33 weeks I developed severe Preeclampsia suddenly and had to have an Emergency C section. That night was sheer panic. I was so scared! But we did it. We were finally parents, and everything we went through to get them here was SO worth it. I would do it all over again. Every shot, every tear, every bruise…it was all so incredibly worth it. After they came home, my husband I would look at each other with tears in our eyes full of gratitude and would say, “Can you believe that they are ours?!”
One thing that I learned while going through infertility is that everyone has mountains to climb. Things they struggle with. It may not seem as hard of a struggle to you, but you can never see what people are going through behind closed doors. We waited to tell family and friends for a very long time about our struggle, and I wish that I would have opened up sooner. After we told of our struggles, we were able to see that we were not alone. There were many people who struggled with the same thing or were going through other struggles. We can not get through things without other people. We need to rely on others to help make it through. God sometimes answers prayers through other people, so let them in!
Infertility will always be part of our story as this is our only way to have children of our own. We have two more embryos waiting for us when we decide we are ready to do it all over again. And I look forward to the day when I get to experience all of this over again because I know what the outcome can be! We are forever grateful for Dr. Foulk and my amazing OB, Dr. Stephen Terry, who were able to help us get our little miracles.
One thing that I learned throughout our struggle is that we need to trust in HIS timing. You may not understand why things are taking so long and answers are not coming. But there is always a much bigger picture! Stay positive and find the things that you are grateful for in your life now and what you can control. Things may be out of your control right then, but it does not define you and make up all of your happiness. There is hope at the end of the tunnel. Never give up that hope and keep fighting for your future babies! It’s worth it.
Lexie Walz
Leave a Reply